Live like an alien!

Why are some people able to persevere through the tough times and continue steady towards their goal and ambition while some people give up and quit?

There are many factors involved, but I think that one difference is the level of gratitude that a person carry's in their attitude day by day.  How can we have gratitude in difficult times?  We can be grateful that we are becoming better people with more compassion.  We can be grateful that we can grow in character and integrity.  We can also be grateful that we have the choice to pursue or passion or not.

Having health is as much a choice as not having health.  Persevering and doing what it takes to be healthy is a choice that everyone has to make for themselves.  There has to be many more reasons behind the decision to create action and behavior that cultivate proper health for the body.

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.  It turns what we have into enough and more.  It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.  Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates vision for tomorrow (Melody Beattie)."

How do we cultivate gratitude and awe in life in spite of what could become boredom and dread?  I have two exercises for you:

1.  Play a game called "The Alien Game:"  Get in touch with your inner child and your imagination.  Imagine that you are an alien from a foreign planet and that this is your first day on planet earth.  Investigate things that you have taken for granted.  That co-worker who has a knack for cracking jokes, take them to lunch and allow yourself to laugh until you are crying.  Your friend who you haven't seen or talked to in years, give them a call and recall great memories.  Getting in touch with your inner child (or your inner Alien) can set you free to really live in the moment and to create moments of joy with everything that you have access to.

Living like an alien!  The halloween that my friend Brittany and I decided to dress up and enter a costume contest!  This is us taking crazy pictures!  I am grateful for this memory!

2.  Every day keep a gratitude journal.  Write down 3 new things every day that you are grateful for in the last 24 hours.  Make sure not to repeat gratitudes and make sure that you get specific.  For example, instead of saying "I am thankful for my bed," say "I am thankful for the amazing sleep I had last night in a wonderfully comfortable bed and the fact that I dreamt about giving my friend a big hug."  The more specific, the better.

One thing that really helped me as an American to become more grateful for day to day moments was my 7-month stint in South Africa.  Surrounded by poverty and need, I learned so much every day about what it means to be grateful for the simplicity of existence.  It was the best thing for me.  Now, you may not need to move to another country for 7-months in order to create gratitude in your life.  However, maybe you do!!  Maybe you need to do something drastic.

When I lived in South Africa, I heard a story about the man who started the non-profit orphanage and high school that I was working for and I was astounded.  This man moved into the townships of South Africa and lived in a shack for over a year in order to experience what the ordinary person in South Africa experiences.  He did this in order to gain compassion and to understand what exactly was needed in order to help.

This type of drastic decision changed his life forever.  Sometimes we allow fear to keep us from pursuing that dream that we always wanted to pursue.  So instead of going after our dreams, we settle for serving another person's dream that we do not believe in.  It becomes difficult to be grateful because we are not being true to ourselves.

The most important exercise in gratitude and living the moment is to decide to be YOU and to follow what you want out of life.  When your dreams that you believe in start to manifest, you will realize that all the hard work and the drastic decision to pursue that which is in your heart was completely worth it!!

What decision are you avoiding making out of fear?  What situations in your life presently or from the past are you holding onto that are keeping you from being grateful for today?  What would it mean to allow yourself to heal and to move forward with living?

Here is to a great day to practice living like an alien!  Remember, aliens don't do "normal" things.  Aliens do not know what a routine is.  Aliens are excited about new things and creating new opportunities.  Embrace life and shake things up a bit!

Forgiveness

Forgiveness.  What is it?  Is forgiveness a feeling?  How do I know if I have forgiven someone or not?  How do I know when I am bitter?  How does it affect the rest of my relationships?

Sometimes forgiveness and unforgiveness are very subtle and can be difficult to detect.  Sometimes I hear people dismiss the idea that they have any unforgiveness without exploring what may be underlying the deeper issues of their soul.  Sometimes we never feel the full impact of the hurt, the pain, or the betrayal because we chose to keep our emotions at a distance.  When we keep our emotions at a distance, we don't allow our souls to expand deeper roots.  We keep ourselves from growth and development and we become very shallow, superficial people.

The best approach to forgiveness is the following:

Face It.  We must face that betrayal and that hurt.  As painful as it may be to feel that feeling, it stunts our hearts and our souls to avoid the full range of human emotions and experiences.  We need to realize that there is a gift within pain and hurt.  Our hearts and souls expand to make us more compassionate, more peaceful, and forgiving people.  We will be as healthy as we are in facing the reality of life.  

Feel It.  Feel the emotions surrounding the hurt and betrayal.  Allow yourselves to move through stages of grief, if necessary.  Don't stay stuck in anger and bitterness, but move through it.  Embrace the feeling and it will move through you as easy as water.  

Forgive It.  Look at the hurt, pain, betrayal and make a choice in your will to forgive that person.  If it helps, find a way to feel compassion.  Find out more about their past, about how they were raised.  Ask them questions about their life and you will find many reasons to have compassion on their decision and how it impacted you.  

"If her past were your past, her pain your pain, her level of consciousness your level of consciousness, you would think and act exactly as she does.  With this realization comes forgiveness, compassion, peace (Eckhart Tolle)."

When I realize what someone has lived through, I can forgive and hope for the best for that person.  I have several situations in my life where I had to dig deep into my soul and heart to forgive.  I had to forgive my now fiancé in a specific season of time and it has been the most wonderful, transformative experience for both of us.  Forgiveness is so good, it is so freeing and it is the most loving action in the world.

Another situation recently showed me the power of forgiveness.  Someone that I was counseling opened up to me about a horrific thing that happened to her.  She was at a party and was raped by a friend who was at the party with her.  It broke my heart to hear her explain the horrible details of the rape.  She was affected in a deep way and was struggling to have normal relationships with people because of the trauma.  We prayed and she was able to forgive this person who hurt her so deeply.  At the end of the prayer, a deep peace rested on her face.  I received a text from her a week later and she was so excited because her friend reached out and apologized with much remorse saying that he wished it never happened and that he has been tormented since it had happened.  She was excited because it brought such a deep healing in her heart to receive this heartfelt apology and pleading for forgiveness.  As soon as she released him from bitterness and judgement, not only was she able to start healing, but he was also able to start facing what he did and begin his own journey of healing.

"Forgiveness is the key to freedom (Hannah Arendt)."

Forgiveness creates space in your soul and your heart to live and wish the best for people without harboring anger, jealousy, bitterness.  These toxic emotions wreck havoc on the body of a person.  The most bitter people in the world tend to age so much quicker and in such a painful way.  Many people who have severe forms of arthritis or cancer carry much unforgiveness in their hearts (this is not always the case, but I have seen it in some situations the toxic affect of bitterness in the body).

"Relationships do not cause pain and unhappiness.  They bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in us (Eckhart Tolle)."

Relationships can be healing or destructive depending on how we approach this topic of forgiveness.  If I chose to carry an attitude of forgiveness, I will reap the benefits of peace and joy.  There are relational situations where we need to forgive and move on to other relationships that are more beneficial to our soul; however, many relationships that end with "irreconcilable" differences may have been resolved simply through the power of choosing to forgive.

Think of one or two people in your life who you need to forgive.  Find a journal and write down all the things that you need to forgive them for.  Take time to process and write your emotions concerning the person and situations that would require forgiveness.  Write a letter of forgiveness.  Release that person and burn the letter.  Watch what happens in the physical realm.  This spiritual act typically results in amazing changes in the natural.  Many times, you will find yourself "running into" the person that you have forgiven.  Or "out of the blue" this old friend may contact you and ask for your forgiveness.  These things may or may not happen.  However, your heart and soul will be free to trust again and free to feel joy and peace again.  It is worth it and so beneficial to your health.

Inner healing

I remember when I was six years old and there was a terrible thunderstorm.  I was so scared; I ran into our freezer in the basement and started to eat chocolate peppermint ice cream by the spoonful.  In order to avoid feeling the fear of the thunderstorm, I attempted to feel better by eating loads and loads of ice cream.  Well, the thunderstorm did not disappear and my feeling of insecurity was simply masked by a stomachache, cold hands, and a cold mouth.  I learned, like so many people do, at a young age to stuff my feelings with food. 

Interestingly enough, my comfort food of choice in high school and throughout college was always ice cream.   Coincidence?  I think not.  I imprinted a memory of being scared and alleviating the feeling for a moment by eating ice cream.  That imprint stayed with me for over 15 years. 

It wasn’t until I was out of college that I started to address this unhealthy way of dealing with “negative” emotions.  Throughout college, I learned to journal, to talk about how I felt, to pray, to run, and to connect for the first time. 

For many years in high school, I simply avoided how I felt by being really busy and “productive” in school and sports.  And the occasional ice cream binge was included in my coping mechanisms. 

When I arrived in college, I started to unravel and the true feelings that I had been hiding for so many years came out in very strange ways.   For example, I started to deal with panic attacks on a regular basis.  I would try to go to sleep in my dorm room and my heart would start racing and I couldn’t breath properly.  The feelings chased me down and would not allow me to move forward without addressing and dealing with my true feelings.

Day by day and month by month, I began the painful process of peeling away the layers of feelings.  It wasn’t until years later that I hit the deepest emotion that I had felt in my life: emotional abandonment.  I learned this when I was on a Biblical study tour in Israel. 

I had a wonderful childhood and about the best parents that anyone could ever have.  I was a daddy’s girl and loved being with my dad.  When he bought my grandpa’s business and took over ownership, I didn’t know how to interpret what was happening.  I ended up feeling emotionally abandoned because I didn’t understand that he was doing what was best for our family and what was necessary for our wellbeing.  The problem wasn’t that he bought the business; it was in my interpretation of what was happening.  

It was a divine set-up because in Israel, years and years later, God uncovered this root of abandonment and I received the most profound inner healing that I have ever received.  It was the most incredible experience of my life.  Through prayer and journaling, I discovered that God was with me the entire time and that the abandonment that I thought was from my father was actually something that I felt internally between God and myself.  There was a gaping hole in my heart, a hole of abandonment that could only be filled by the love of God.

After my trip to Israel, I felt so satisfied in the deepest part of my soul.  What I noticed was that I ate less and felt more satisfied.  I did not feel many urges for sugar or ice cream.  The emotional mess internally was repaired in such a deep way that I did not have any need to try to mask my emotional turmoil. 

“Even if you are not at ease right now, being aware that you’re not at ease embraces that unease and dissipates it.  Learn to be with and accept what is (Eckhart Tolle).”

Through the process of inner and emotional healing, I had to learn to embrace whatever I was feeling when I was feeling it in order for it to be resolved.  This is exactly what so many of us try to avoid and push away through various distractions and addictions.  Many of us are addicted to avoiding feelings and food is one of the means by which we avoid feeling all our feelings. 

“All addictive behaviors are attempts to suppress and avoid feeling what we feel” (John Gray).

One question to ask yourself would be:  How do I avoid feeling my feelings?  What am I avoiding?  How do I use food as a way to escape “negative” emotions?

Take steps towards embracing yourself as an emotional, spiritual, and physical being.  We are not machines nor are we robots.  This process is very counter-cultural, but being a healthy, whole person is counter-cultural as well. 

Many people who are ill have feelings that are masked and covered beneath all the physical manifestations.  Somehow our feelings will find us.  Whether we learn to breath and feel through all of our emotions or whether we mask and stuff our emotions, they will come out. 

“Acceptance means you allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling at the moment (Eckhart Tolle).”

Can we accept the emotional side of us?  Can we embrace the painful moments and invite the process of healing?  We can reach out to people, to God, and to many avenues to help our soul and heart heal and reach a place of complete acceptance.

The Irritating Truth

In what areas are you taking full responsibility of your life?  In what areas are you only taking partial responsibility of your life?  How successful are the areas of your life that you are only taking partial responsibility?

When it comes to our personal health goals, taking full responsibility is so important to becoming healthy and well.  So many times, I am in a session with a client and they talk themselves out of deciding to pursue health. 

There are many reasons why it seems easier to not take full responsibility.  For example, it is cheaper, more convenient, and much easier to eat fast food or to eat pizza for dinner.  But with every decision, I will bear the consequence to that decision.  If the decision becomes a pattern, my health will eventually suffer for this pattern. 

If I don’t take full responsibility for my health, other areas of my life will most definitely be affected as well.  The tough truth is that if my health is not my responsibility because it is “too hard” or “too expensive” or because there are just too many treats at my office, then I am deferring my responsibility and avoiding the tasks and diligence that it requires to be healthy.  Thus, I am even forgoing my right to have health.

“The truth that you are in charge of your life will set you free only after it really irritates you (Sky St. John).”  It may be an irritating truth that you are the only one in charge of your health, your finances, your career path, and your life and marriage.  It is so annoying that no one can really help me until I decide that I am taking charge.  However, once I delve into the responsibility, I feel the benefits of the diligence and the decision to pursue health. 

Any decision that I defer and chose not to make is already made for me.  If I chose not to ask my boss for a raise, then I chose to stay where I am in my company.  If I chose to leave my job and start a business, then the success or failure of that business is my responsibility and I will reap the joy or sorrow of the end result. 

When I was 25 years old, I took the first step of taking full responsibility of my health by reading 1 book.  As soon as I read that book, I made a decision to change my entire lifestyle to support health.  As soon as I was 30 days into the journey, I was reaping the benefits of more energy, more joy, and more clarity in my mind.

So many of us surrender to the “reality of aging” or have the mentality that certain symptoms of aging are “normal.”  This is a small way that we defer the responsibility that we have to take care of our health. 

“Full responsibility is acknowledging that life is my mirror, every thought is a request, and the only thing that I need to change in order to be happier is me (MK Mueller).”  I have spoken to married women before who are bitter, angry, and hardened towards their husbands.  Many times, I hear the women complain bitterly that if only their husband loved them more then they would be happy or they would be able to love their children more.  I was saddened when one mother told me how she rejected her son because she was not happy in her marriage with her husband.  Her son suffered much by being rejected by his mother.  However, she did not take full responsibility for this thought and behavior towards her child.  Rather, she blamed her husband for her rejecting her son. 

As long as she continues to believe the lie that her husband is responsible for the rejection of her son, she will continue with the behavior of rejecting her son.  The husband will not suffer for it because he is oblivious.  Instead, she and her son will suffer the consequences of this grave error. 

We only have control over our own lives and we have no control over the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors of other human being.  We must choose to take full responsibility of our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.  When we change our attitude towards our health by choosing the annoying reality that I am the only one who will keep myself health, then we will reap the benefits of choosing a healthy lifestyle. 

Attitude Eating

Many times, as I meet with clients, I tell them that I wish it were as easy as giving them a list of things to do and not do within their diet and lifestyle; however, it is never that simple.  We are complex, integrated people and our health needs to be looked at in different angles in order to understand and unravel the hindrances to our health journey.

Our actions and behaviors day to day happen after we have thought about it, after we have felt it, and after we have made a decision in our will to move forward.  If I think that it is Monday and I am going to have a horrible day and then I feel mad and then I imagine myself eating a chocolate brownie and feeling better, I make my way to the nearest brownie store and I buy a brownie as big as my face and I eat it. 

I may feel good about it for a moment.  But then I pay.  I lived out my thoughts, my emotions, and my intentions for the day.  We need to learn to command our days, set out thoughts in order and choice a positive attitude. 

I have heard of emotional eating, but I have never heard anyone talk about attitude eating.  Some of us have the wrong attitude towards our health and this is the root issue to the sabotaging of our health.

Attitude is defined as:  a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person's behavior.  The main thing that concerns me about attitude is that it is "settled" in people's minds so many times and that people are not flexible and ready to change their attitude if necessary.

In addition, researchers suggest that there are several different components that make up attitudes:

1.  An Emotional Component:  How the object, person, issue, or event makes you feel.
2.  A Cognitive Component:  Your thoughts and beliefs about the subject.
3.  A Behavioral Component:  How the attitude influences your behavior.  

In terms of health, it is important that we examine our conscious and unconscious attitudes towards our health, health in general, and what it means to be healthy.  Many times, we will find that we have opposing and conflicting beliefs, thoughts, and emotions that strongly influence our behavior and actions in regards to taking care of our health or not taking care of our health.

For example, someone may hold the following attitude about health:  “I don’t see what the big deal is about health.  It is too expensive.  I feel angry that someone could possibly suggest that I am in control of my health based on the choices that I make.  Obviously, my health is predisposed from the genetics of my grandparents and ancestral line.  I have diabetes because my dad did, my grandpa did, and his dad did as well.  I have no control over my health.”

With that kind of attitude, it is easy to see how out of control this person’s eating patterns and lifestyle would become.  Eating to satisfy the flesh and taste buds becomes of utmost importance as well as convenience and ease of speed.  This person will most likely be dependent on insulin with no hope of regaining any balance.

I often ask my clients if they believe that they can be healthy.  Most people will say yes.  However, in further questioning, it most often comes to the surface that they will always have to take this or that drug because of the severity of their health crisis.  The truth about their attitude towards their health reveals how proactive and open to solutions they will be.

When I was seeking solutions to my own health, after having been diagnosed with PCOS, it became my definitive attitude that my health crisis would be resolved and that I would have a regular period.  What I believed to be true fully manifested only 3 years after I made the transition to believing and walking in the attitude of receiving this truth.

One simple exercise that you can implement is visualization.  Every day, practice visualizing yourself as a healthy, happy, balanced person.    Watch as you go into a co-op or a health foods store and find the most healthy, vibrant foods.  Watch as you purchase these items without batting an eye at the cost.  Then watch as you eat these foods and feel so healthy and good.  Visualize what you would do if you had vibrant health.  As you begin this ritual, you will be amazed at the transformation of your beliefs, attitudes, and finally behaviors.  Soon, you will be walking in and receiving your healing as well!