Since we are delving into intense territory surrounding hit men, the mafia, people dying or being murdered, Big Pharma, the government, and conspiracy theories, I decided that this week should be a get to know me week. You probably want to know, who is this woman who is sabotaging the shroud of darkness and silence surrounding the powers that be?
First thing that you need to know, I am pregnant. I mean obviously pregnant. When I was 10 weeks along, people were confidently asking when I was due. Seriously? Yes, it happened quickly. Found out I was pregnant and all of a sudden I was ravenously hungry. I felt like I had never eaten anything in my life, ever. I was making up for lost time. I ate in the morning and 2 hours later, starving. I had to plan my life around eating. Any time I left the house, I had to make sure that I ate before I left, just in case it would take me longer than 2-3 hours. If I was working all day, I planned my day around where I could find food or I would bring a cooler with me full of food, just in case. One day, I remember, I ate dinner once. Then I was hungry again, so I ate a second dinner. Just as I was trying to fall asleep, I woke up because I was too hungry. So I ate a third dinner. What? Who does that?
The worst part about all this is that I was gaining weight so rapidly; people would stare at me in absolute confusion when I said my due date. I am staring right back, thinking, what did you expect? Did you expect to have to deliver my baby for me, right now, on the spot? Seriously people. I stopped sharing my due date or I started to be vague about it as to avoid the confused stare. I have been asked if I am having twins more than ten times (usually a guy is asking this, clearly they have no clue) and I have seen the "look" on people's faces that they are thinking it, but not bold enough to ask. Lately, I have been thinking about how comforting it would be to answer the question or thought bubble about the twins by shouting, SHUT UP! And promptly walking away. Ah, pregnancy hormones. Thank you.
Last week, I tried to remove wax from my ear using a Qtip and all of a sudden, I couldn't hear. My earwax fell into my ear cavity and completely blocked my capacity to hear. I felt like I was swimming underwater. I couldn't hear for an entire week out of that ear. Again, I started to panic. I called my birthing center to ask them what to do. I left an urgent message saying, 'please call me as I am having THE symptom.' The nurse called back to listen to my plight. I was ready to go to the birthing center and check myself in. Do you have any rooms for people who are panicked and need to stay under your surveillance for a while? I may do something stupid, like lie down wrong or put a Qtip in my ear. The nurse calmly told me that this was not a serious situation. Oh, so I can't come and check myself in? No, she gave instructions to me on what my husband needed to do.
My husband dutifully went to Walgreens to buy the syringe. We softened the earwax with a remedy. Then, he flushed out the earwax with warm water. After 3 flushes, miraculously, I could hear! One minute, I felt like I was going deaf and the next minute, the wax flew out of my ear! I appreciated the ability to hear more than I ever have in my life.
The other day was another awkward pregnant moment. I saw someone that I hadn't seen in about 1 year. It was in a work situation, so this person did not know my history or family tree. She came up to me surprised and in awe, saying, "You look just like Megan, are you her sister?" Blank stare (I don't have a sister. I have 2 brothers). Seriously? Now I am being mistaken for another person? I laughed and said, nope, this is just what I look like when I am pregnant. I still can't figure out if she just thought I was the fat version of Megan or if she thought I was the pregnant sister of Megan.
Pregnancy, I am coming to learn, is a type of a death. Your body goes through so many changes, you feel so different in your skin, and you start to form new patterns to support the living being in your uterus. I am a swing dancer. I used to go out dancing at least once a week. Pregnant Megan apparently is not a swing dancer. As I have been dancing once this entire pregnancy. I am a social person, I love being around people. Pregnant Megan apparently is very introspective and not very social (reference the SHUT UP story).
As my body prepares to give birth to a baby, I am dying. And as my baby comes, I will have new life and literally a new identity as a mom. And I am wondering, who will this new person be? My baby will be a new person and I will be a new person. Will I become even more engrossed in exposing conspiracies or will I give up my conspiracy theories and become a type of a Martha Stewart? Wait, she ended up in jail. She was part of a conspiracy. Never mind. Not Martha.
Hopefully, this gives you insight into Megan, who is currently dying a slow death called pregnancy, and who will become a new person in July. Yes, I am due in July, not tomorrow. Thanks.
Now that we have cleared the air so to speak, we will move forward with confidence into the realm of the conspiracies that need to be exposed. I am sure that you now feel more comfortable that you are in good hands and that I won't go and do something stupid like ask you if you are having twins when you are pregnant or ask if you are related to yourself. Lol. Thanks for listening. I feel much better.
